Hi "I'm so done". What stands out to me in your post is how deeply you long for connection and how painful it has been to repeatedly feel hurt, unseen, or unimportant in relationships. We are wired for connection, so when our experiences with others leave us feeling disappointed or alone, it can feel extremely painful. I wonder whether some of what you're describing may be connected to earlier relational experiences. When we grow up without consistently experiencing safe and reliable connections, the longing for closeness is more intense. Those early experiences can shape how we see ourselves in relationships, what we come to expect from others, and how deeply we are impacted when relationships don't unfold as we had hoped. The fact that being alone feels so painful speaks to the importance of connection in your life. How beautiful that you want closeness. Many people carry attachment wounds that continue to affect their adult relationships in ways that are not always obvious. If any of this speaks to you, it may be worthwhile to explore it with a therapist who works from a relational or attachment-focused perspective. I'd be happy to offer a phone consulation to see if this direction makes sense to you. And if not, that's also ok. Thank you for sharing something so vulnerable here.